Navigating Co-Parenting Amid a Divorce Involving Addiction

Co-parenting can be difficult for even the most amicable divorcing partners. However, when your divorce is particularly contentious and high-conflict due to one or both spouses’ addictions, figuring out how to co-parent can be that much more difficult.

Fortunately, there are multiple strategies and tools you can use to build a strong support network, improve communication with your ex-spouse, and promote co-parenting. Your dedicated divorce lawyer with Chambers Family Law can help you make conscious decisions to support the best interest of your child and promote a secure future.

Potential Co-Parenting Strategies for Families Coping with Addiction

When you are struggling to cope with a high-conflict divorce involving addiction, having a sound parenting plan in place is crucial. Both parents having peace of mind can only benefit the children they share. The goal is to implement strategies that help your children feel safe and that their well-being is your top priority.

When you are approaching your co-parenting relationship, think of it as a professional relationship with the other parent. You are working together to raise your children to become healthy adults, nothing more. When one parent is addicted to alcohol or drugs, limiting interactions to conversations or meetings during a time that both parties are sober can help prevent the likelihood of verbal altercations.

Here are some of the other strategies that may help you and your family learn to navigate life post-divorce:

Maintain Communication

Arguably the most effective strategy for successful co-parenting is keeping an open line of communication. Parents should feel comfortable discussing their child’s welfare without having to feel like they are walking on eggshells or worrying about their personal issues getting in the way of raising their children, or without fear of the other parent using it as an opportunity to engage in abuse or harassment.

To keep an open line of communication, you may want to consider using co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard. You may want to use online scheduling tools and written communications in lieu of verbal, to keep a paper trail of all communication exchanges.

You cannot control others, but you can control yourself. When communicating with your ex-spouse, do not initiate or respond to language that may be provoking, abusive or harassing, or that goes far beyond the scope of discussing issues regarding your children. Maintain your professionalism and keep the focus on your child’s needs. Try to avoid discussing extraneous issues and avoid all personal disputes once your divorce has been finalized. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.

Keep Children Out of Conflict

Children could be subject to extreme emotional distress in high-conflict divorces, especially those where one or both parents are dealing with addiction or substance abuse issues. One of the best strategies for maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship is by agreeing to keep your children out of all disagreements and conflicts.

This does not mean you should avoid speaking with your child’s other parent, as they are learning how to handle conflict and communicate with others by watching your interactions with your ex-spouse. Be respectful and direct without using harmful or inappropriate language when referring to your child’s other parent.

Never use your children as messengers or discuss the other parent in a negative way in front of your child. Let children be children and keep all adult conversations between you and the people in your support system.

This can help foster a supportive home environment and reduce the stress that your children may experience due to your divorce. You should also avoid venting to your children about your ex-spouse or their addiction. Doing so could negatively impact your child’s mental health or potentially alienate them from their other parent.

Your children may have questions about their other parent’s Alcohol Use Disorder. Depending on how old your children are, you may be able to have an honest conversation about their other parent’s chronic illness. Despite the fact that your relationship with your ex-spouse fell apart, it is important to take the high road in these situations if you hope to build a positive co-parenting relationship. In some situations, it may be easier to have your children talk to a trained professional regarding the other parent’s addiction.

Stick With Your Parenting Plan

Creating a comprehensive parenting plan is one of the most crucial elements of the high-conflict divorce process. Your parenting plan should include not only your child custody arrangements, but what each parent’s responsibilities will be, how to address future conflicts, and your parenting schedule. It is essential to maintain consistency in the parenting plan if children are going to embrace the new sense of normalcy and adjust to life after divorce.

Be ready to adjust your parenting plan to accommodate your children as they grow up or have questions about their parent’s addiction. Parenting plans may include verification of sobriety to ensure the child’s safety and well-being.

Recognize that not every disagreement needs to be an argument. Minor issues may not need to be addressed, but if there are major financial worries, your child is experiencing a serious medical condition, or you are considering private school, these types of decisions should be made together whenever possible.

You can help keep an open line of communication and stick with your parenting plan by fostering a strong co-parenting relationship. When you work with your child’s other parent to minimize hostility, particularly regarding school activities or medical needs, you can establish consistent rules and work together to raise your shared children.

Assemble a Compassionate Support Team

You are going to need an empathetic but realistic support team by your side when you are going through a high-conflict divorce. Developing powerful co-parenting strategies is only part of the process. Working with a support group can give you an opportunity to share your experience and help you feel less alone. You can also learn a lot from other individuals who have also been through a high-conflict divorce.

You may also be interested in working with a mental health professional for yourself and your children. Giving your child the opportunity to speak with someone outside the confines of your family can help them feel more comfortable about opening up and sharing their feelings. Building relationships and problem-solving can help you learn healthier ways to relate to your ex-spouse and your children as you navigate this difficult time in your lives.

Document and Gather Supporting Evidence

When your divorce involves addiction, it is important to document and gather supporting evidence. Save all communication exchanges and keep a detailed list of all conflicts or interactions with your ex-spouse. If they were supposed to pick your children up at 6 PM but never showed up, it is important to document these incidents. You should also collect copies of your asset information, bank statements, and other financial records which may provide proof that your ex-spouse was using marital funds to support their addiction.

Consider Alternative Dispute Resolution Opportunities

In particularly high-conflict divorces, if your goal is to come to an amicable co-parenting relationship, considering alternative dispute resolution opportunities may be in your best interests. If you agree with your spouse to resolve the terms of your divorce without going to court, you can finalize the divorce sooner.

Conversely, you may be interested in trying out mediation where a neutral third party can help you come to your arrangements regarding your parenting plan, child custody, division of marital assets and property, and spousal support.

Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care can help you manage your stress during a high-conflict divorce. Children can pick up on our stress and anxieties, and if you can remain calm by practicing self-care, you will do right by your children. Taking time to decompress every day, prioritizing exercise and healthy living, and making lifestyle changes where applicable are all positive ways you can start to build a brighter future. As you begin to practice emotional regulation, you can give your children a childhood they don’t have to recover from.

Prepare for Life after a High-Conflict Divorce Involving Addiction

Your children will look to you to learn how they can cope with life after divorce. Preparing for life once your high-conflict divorce is resolved should be an essential element of the divorce process. You are going to want to maintain financial stability, whether that means seeking alimony or being prepared to pay alimony, depending on the circumstances of your case.

Be ready to establish clear boundaries and set realistic goals for yourself and your children. Now is the best time to focus on personal fulfillment and your children’s happiness. Being a willing co-parent gives you an opportunity to put the past in the past, help your ex overcome their addiction, and provide your children with the best relationships possible.

Your Compassionate Family Law Attorney Can Help You Navigate Co-Parenting in Your High-Conflict Divorce Involving Addiction

High-conflict divorce can be emotionally taxing on the entire family. Working with professionals to improve communication, manage conflict, and reduce intense emotions can help your family cope and solve these points of contention in your parenting plan sooner. By working with your ex-spouse to co-parent in a way that ensures they maintain a strong relationship with their other parent while protecting children from the impact of addiction, you can create a parenting plan that is mutually acceptable.

Mediators may be neutral third parties, but your dedicated child custody lawyer from Chambers Family Law won’t be. We will advocate for your rights and help you safeguard your child’s future. When you are ready to start implementing one or more of these co-parenting strategies in your high-conflict divorce involving addiction, do not hesitate to contact our law office to schedule a confidential consultation. You can reach us by phone or through our online contact form to get started as soon as today.